Major task for today was to draft an email to Comgressman Bill Nelson. Really, it was to finish a book review for Tyndale Publishers. Yesterday, I crashed BAD and realized it was because I haven’t been getting out and socializing, being in panic mode, saving every penny. I realized that’s not healthy as I feel so disconnected from my body. Freaky. I HAVE TO get out into the community. So, I took Jireh to Publix, craving ice cream drumsticks and not only did I see several people I knew, drumsticks were BOGO! SCORE! Then I talked with my neighbors who showed me the difference between a MALE and FEMALE Palm Tree! Who knew?! All this in addition to walking Jireh. Everything is going to work out. I have to calm down and trust God.
At daybreak, Jesus went out to a solitary place. The people were looking for him and when they came to where he was, they tried to keep him from leaving them. 43 But he said, “I must proclaim the good news of the kingdom of God to the other towns also, because that is why I was sent. Luke 4:42,43
Unfortunately, it is 3pm.
I say `unfortunately’ because I have spent the entire day in severe anxiety. Nothing could calm me down. I am ruminating over surviving with the SSDI decrease. Worrying is causing psychosomatic symptoms of a stiff neck, tactile hallucinations, and hopelessness. The “what if’s” keep rolling in. My faith is wavering, which surprises me since I haven’t allowed external circumstances to steal my peace for awhile. This situation is killing me.
After trying numerous remedies to calm down, I finally opened my Bible. There I found comfort as God reminded me I typically start each day studying the Bible for a few hours. Today, I went straight to writing in attempts to generate income. I didn’t make time with God a priority.
Jesus started each day conversing with His Father explaining He had to fulfill His purpose of being sent to proclaim The Gospel. He went to find His duties for each day, and I am sure The Father strengthened Jesus with words of wisdom, a vivid perspective, and encouragement. In other words, meeting with Our Heavenly Father gives us all we need to fight the world’s battles each day.
By neglecting my Quiet Time, I failed to receive the necessary tools to face the day. So my day was wasted, not to mention painful. I will go directly to Him every morning hereinafter.
Take it from me- don’t go into the battlefield without your weapons.
I am literally feeling like I am having a heart attack over this financial situation. I found out my neighbor who is also on Social Security Income is gone… he’s living on the streets. This is becoming so real to me.
I know I am a good writer. Somehow, I feel insecure about my writing when applying for paid writing jobs. I have assured my friends who are helping financially that I will find a freelance job by July. I have a list of websites looking for writers. I want to write for Christianity Today and other Christian websites… now, I am adding Disability sources for which to apply.
Why can’t I submit my query letter and application? I’m so scared. I am scared I won’t get a job and my friends will regret helping me. I am of being viewed as a moocher. I am afraid of homeless. I can’t calm down.
I wish my old mom was still around. I feel so alone, and I feel bad not keeping my faith. I want to escape by getting Xanax and drunk. I know it won’t solve anything, yet I can’t calm down.
A few days ago, I was on the news complaining my SSDI is being cut because the State of Florida refused to cover Medical Premiums. Today, the Senator responded here.
Because I believe this cut in my Disability check is injustice, I called the news media who were eager to cover my story. You can view the newscast on my professional blog here.
I posted this on my professional blog:
The Writing Therapist: Preparing for Cuts in Social Security Preparing for Cuts in Social Security