Disabilities for Life

My health is declining faster as I approach 50. Here goes my list of symptoms experienced daily: because of Cerebral Palsy (C.P.) my feet roll out while my toes turn in so walking is becoming increasingly difficult. I fall much more frequently. There’s no doubt a walker is in my future. Endurance becomes painful due to asthma and constant pressure around my chest. It all makes sense since the abuse my body has suffered from the C.P. brain damage. Adding up my lungs degenerating, menopausal hot flashes and PTSD anxiety attacks, merely walking does me in.
Daily, I have at least one Crohn’s attack where it happens so fast, I fail to reach a toilet in time. There are days when I lose my balance trying to get to my toilet, and run into a wall. I am covered in bruises, aching constantly from falling. My muscles tighten, shake and spasm randomly generating loss of body control, dumping coffee, difficulty with penmanship, and restricting coordination needed to type.
My fortitude limits everything I do, including thought processes and tasks requiring executive functioning. The way aging is tearing down my abilities leads me in a state of depression. Since I live independently, I worry about my near future, and my anxiety soars.
I don’t know what is going to happen. Physically and mentally, I am fading. It’s reminding me now is the time to accomplish all I want to do. Mainly, leaving a legacy.

 

No More Writing Articles

I am so mad “The Mighty” keeps publishing this article with my name on it, I can only paste comments.

Replied to publisher –

No, I am not excited. I requested you take this down because of the numerous misrepresentations. Believe me… NO ONE MADE FUN OF ME IN SCHOOL! Parents, peers, and siblings need to know the importance of supporting the child with a disability. My friends would beat up anyone who made fun of me, so no one did.

Second, doctors did not tell me what aging would do to my body. They still don’t know, and are amazed I am still alive! Parents need to know NOT to listen to professionals. They know their child better than doctors.

Your article was NOT written by me. In fact, it goes against EVERYTHING I advocate against.

I will NOT be writing for you again.

Shelly Weiss, Ed.S.

Writing for Survival

I’m writing while I can, as much as I can. For several weeks, each day has brought turmoil, including a HUGE decrease in my Social Security Disability Income (SSDI) leading to facing homelessness AND not being able to afford my best friend and life mate, Jireh (my Service Dog), news that my mother (from whom I have spent half of my adult life estranged) was in serious condition in the hospital, lost a couple close friends, had a cousin die from drug overdose, I fell in front of an oncoming car (hurting myself and almost getting run over), and the list goes on. Having numerous debilitating medical issues (most of which are exacerbated by stress), I truly feel like I can have a heart attack at any moment. For the past two weeks, my health has been chronically declining.

When I received the notice about the cut in my income with June being the hardest month as they were taking out their overpayments in addition to my reduced monthly income, my strong faith cracked. I have supported myself for the past 30 years as I have no contact with relatives. I’m a fighter as I am equipped with God’s strength and wisdom within me. Having the gift of writing, I assured my close friends if I can pay June’s bills, I can find writing jobs to supplement my income starting in July.

After all, Harry Potter book series J.K. Rowling lived in extreme poverty, receiving food stamps, until her books were published. Living in poverty changes people as Rowling states, The very best thing her wealth has given her, she wrote on her website, is the absence of worry. “I have not forgotten what it feels like to worry whether you’ll have enough money to pay the bills. Not to have to think about that anymore is the biggest luxury in the world.”

According to the website, http://www.businessinsider.com,

Living in a cramped apartment with her daughter, jobless and penniless, Rowling fell into a deep depression and admits she even considered suicide. She was forced to rely on state benefits and spent much of her time writing “Harry Potter” in cafés with Jessica sleeping in the pram next to her.

I’ve been there. I think I still am. Anxiety, depression, PTSD, and Crohn’s have all held me hostage in the bathroom the past month with concerns about bills, losing friends who think I am a loser freeloader. I feel like a burden most of the time. If I hadn’t had my personal relationship with Jesus, I would either be on drugs, homeless or dead. Each day that I am puking my guts out simultaneously while losing my bowels day after day, all I can think about is I am losing time not writing. July will be here soon. So, today, I wanted to write about having peace beyond understanding because I trust God.

Instead, I am rolled up in a ball on the floor writing on my tablet so I can write how even Christians have mental health issues. And they cannot just be “prayed away” although prayer certainly changes things. In between my night terrors about being homeless and having to live on the street, I am writing AS MUCH AS PHYSICALLY POSSIBLE my book about being real. About following your convictions so you can look in the mirror, which is why I told an editor last night to take my article down because they changed my wording and it did not reflect my ultimate goal of giving all glory to God. (The byline included my personal blog where I could eventually generate income if I get enough readers.)

I’m not giving up I will write my books every day, all day, getting published and out of poverty. My God has never failed me, and never will. In fact, this post will be another chapter in my book, The Christian Bohemian, Not Your Conventional Christian.

Walking the Course

Major task for today was to draft an email to Comgressman Bill Nelson. Really, it was to finish a book review for Tyndale Publishers. Yesterday, I crashed BAD and realized it was because I haven’t been getting out and socializing, being in panic mode, saving every penny. I realized that’s not healthy as I feel so disconnected from my body. Freaky. I HAVE TO get out into the community. So, I took Jireh to Publix, craving ice cream drumsticks and not only did I see several people I knew, drumsticks were BOGO! SCORE! Then I talked with my neighbors who showed me the difference between a MALE and FEMALE Palm Tree! Who knew?! All this in addition to walking Jireh. Everything is going to work out. I have to calm down and trust God.