Laying in bed while in one of my severe clinical depressions, I reach over Addy, my cat, and feel for my phone. Dreading another day living in poverty. I hate my life. I hate having to accept handouts like some crippled freak.
People don’t know the success I once was when I ran my private practice earning around $100 per hour. They don’t know how I was paid big bucks to be the Keynote Speaker talking about finding your own quality of life. They don’t know how I fought school boards for not giving students with disabilities an equal education, challenging parents to stop listening to so called “experts” who placed limitations on their child. They don’t know all the families who called me to help fight for their children with disabilities.
They don’t because a severe depression in 2007 forced me to stop working because I was unable to put my patients well-being over my own mental illness. I swear I only went on Disability until my depression lifted. Never did I plan to live off the government. A series of misfortunes followed including major anxiety, severe Crohn’s Disease attacks. PTSD, Agoraphobia, and a drug addiction. For as long as I can remember, I’ve wanted to die.
Ten years later, I’ve been in several inpatient psych wards, more suicide attempts than I can count, and never feeling like I belong in this world. I’ve barely have received enough Social Security Disability income to pay bills, and now I received notice my check is being cut $300. My future is uncertain, and I hate it.
I’m not living, rather merely surviving as I look on social media. Prince Harry married Megan Markle yesterday, and their fairytale wedding made me hate my life even more. Flipping through Twitter, I see it is Cher’s birthday. She is amazing, and much of my personality has been shaped by her. I tweet her, Happy birthday to Cher, who inspires me to be a Bohemian and not care what anyone thinks! I have loved and admired you for 45 years. People, especially Christians, will no doubt judge me for thinking so highly of Cher, they will mistakenly accuse me of making Cher an idol.
Whoa. This is supposed to be a Christian book written by a Christian… Christians don’t use vulgar language. Christians love others. Some readers will likely put the book down over that curse word (which I removed the word to keep from offending readers). I beg you to keep reading. The name of my blog is “The Christian Bohemian- Not Your Average Christian”, because while I am far from a conventional Christian, I am above all a Christian.
As much as I have been influenced by Cher, ultimately, I AM a very strong Christian who spends hours each day studying the Bible, praying, and fellowshipping with Jesus. I refrain from cursing because I don’t want people thinking cursing is acceptable for Christians. I am an ambassador for my Lord, and ultimately, that is how I present myself.
This book is about my life as a Christian Bohemian. It will challenge you to reconsider your own beliefs, while realizing Christians get depression. Christians lose faith. Christians don’t just “pray things away”. We are human. We are not perfect. We mess up. Yet when we accepted Jesus as Savior in our hearts, we are eternally sealed by the Holy Spirit. We are forgiven when we repent.
Whether or not you are a Christian, this book is for you. We were all created differently, and Christians are not cookie cutter perfect people. But Christ is priority in our lives. And that makes all the difference in the world.