Didn’t want to get out of bed as depression has fully materialized. All of my mental illnesses have taken up residence, along with Crohn’s Disease. It hurts to live. Reality is sinking in. Before turning to Jesus, the world took over my thought process. Catastrophic “what if’s” swooping in. I can’t do this.
Seeking comfort from friends by reading Facebook status updates only made things worse. For example, I checked on a friend who’s facing the anniversary of her mother’s death… oh, she’s fine… she’s counting down to a luxurious vacation. So many negative thoughts revolve around my mind, I decide to take Jireh for a walk before starting my day.
Remembering God challenges me to bring my grievances to Him as He says in Isaiah 1:18, “Come, let us reason together…” I start by complaining about my financial situation, and feel God remind me, Shelly, why are you doubting me? Don’t you remember all the times I took care of you by paying off your car, taking care of your student loans, moving you into a nice apartment when you had nothing and was living out of your car… what about when you quit your counseling job due to having a mental breakdown? How quickly you forget! Trust me, My child. As far as you judging your friend’s trip while mourning her mother’s death, aren’t you being hypocritical as you get angry when people don’t understand why you have unexplainable peace when going through major trials? And about your bitterness that you cannot afford luxurious vacations… I have commanded you to set your mind on things above, not on earthly things. – Colossians 3:2. Fix your eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. –2 Corinthians 4:18. Instead of focusing on temporary things, I want you to finish the work I for which I created you. As I have said in Colossians 3:23,24 – “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.”.
Of course, He was right, as always. I watched Jireh spying on squirrels in the magnificent Tallahassee trees, noting God also provided the means for me to relocate to my favorite city. Admiring my neighborhood walk, I thanked God for my home, then for Jireh being happy and healthy. Now you know why I didn’t allow you to get a new puppy… you would have had to give him up.
He continued by bringing numerous situations to mind, changing my ungrateful, bratty attitude to showing me tangible ways He is in control. Trust me, Shelly. You are ready for the next step. Now is the time to put into practice all I have taught you.
I realized I have spent so many years talking and planning how to use God’s gifts to me, I haven’t followed through until completion. Now is the time. Face it, I don’t have much more time on this earth. I want my life to count.