Understanding Not Understanding

Yesterday I literally kept trying to figure out how God knitted the intricate pieces of Thursday’s blessing together. Discussing the events of a couple spiritually mature friends only left us more baffled. Guess it’ll be okay to start using names for clarification. I have probably 5 people in my life who I consider “family” (not including my Godparents). My entire life, specifically until December 31st, 2017, I have gone back and forth trying to get along with my relatives, well, my immediate family as I haven’t spoken to extended family in literally DECADES! Needless to say, my mental health (and physical since my Crohn’s Disease is hypersensitive to emotions) has been unpredictable. My family dynamics are toxic, regardless of who is at fault. There have been days a simple text from my mom has turned me from loving life to contemplating- even attempting- suicide. My father was a good man and never physically hurt me, yet he was brainwashed by my mother, so we never talked until I sat with him on his death bed this past Fall. So the only member I want(ed) contact with was my brother, Mark, who… well… after a discussion with my mom, I was suicidal. It was Thanksgiving Day and he yelled at me because I made him miss his daughter’s reaction to Santa in the parade because I told him I needed help and was wanting to die. Oh, the irony of Christmas becoming more commercialized than celebrating the birth of Jesus! This same brother proceeded to imply I am NOT a Christian, am NOT saved (even though we got saved and baptized together on May 15, 1983), and THE WORLD WOULD BE BETTER WITHOUT ME. And this was the “Good brother”!

*Keep following, this is all related (no pun intended). My entire life, I believed the Christian thing to do is to be at peace with one another, and the Bible instructs us to take care of our family, especially immediate relatives, and those who fail to are worse than a non-believer. Whoa! * See 1 Timothy 5:8. I am not able to continue writing about this because it is stirring up negativity. Let me summarize with Jesus said if anyone does not choose Him over their family, they cannot be His disciple. (Luke 14:26).

As of December 31st, 2017, I chose Jesus as I have my entire life. No regrets. No looking back.

Okay, so back to the INCREDIBLE BLESSING 2 days ago… I was in a bad predicament and needed help ASAP. (One reason I held on to family was in case of emergency… which they were NEVER there in times of emergencies. If anything, they made it TEN TIMES WORSE!).
In my Bible study today, God revealed to me the following

After the Lord had said these things to Job, he said to Eliphaz the Temanite, “I am angry with you and your two friends, because you have not spoken the truth about me, as my servant Job has.
Job 42:7 NIV

Seeing all of Job’s troubles, his friends assumed God was punishing Job. The Lord was mad at THEM for misrepresenting Him. Troubles are not always due to our disobedience.

We are supposed to support and encourage friends going through physical and mental illness rather than accuse them of disobeying God. We don’t know what goes on between an individual and God. In fact, John 9:3 tells us disabilities may happen “so that the works of God may be revealed”.

Also in Job 42:3, Job says, “Who is this that obscures my plans without knowledge?” Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know.

You know what? I don’t need to know how Thursday’s blessing happened. Just trust God is in control. He showed me He’s got me. He has wonderful people is my life who love me. People who think this world IS a better place because I am in it. When I get into predicaments, He provides vessels to take a family role, not because of our blood, but because of His blood.

God gave me a hint in the next verses which leaves me with anticipation and excitement to SEE what He has planned for me:

42:5 – My ears had heard of you, but now my eyes have seen you.

Why don’t we trust Him when he proves His faithfulness again and again? He was showing me I have people who love me like family, and most importantly, I have Jesus who has promised to provide all we need to fulfill the plans He has for us.

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