Hello. This is my personal blog where I talk about whatever I want, enjoying the freedom to be me – raw and real. The Christian Bohemian is an encompassing self-description, as I am first and foremost, a child of God, following the leading of the Holy Spirit with my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ,
*I am a Christian who grew up in the church, only to be hurt by multiple churches. Now, I study the Bible two to three hours per day. Feeling the presence of the Holy Spirit on a regular basis, I am a reclusive writer who is living the dream in the city where I found my true identity attending college. As soon as my feet touched the ground in Tallahassee, I felt more at home than any other place.
Tallahassee is where I questioned all the beliefs instilled in me throughout childhood. More than 20 years later, I continue to use my free thinking to identify myself. While I was born with cerebral palsy (C.P.), it wasn’t part of my identity until much later in adulthood.
Growing up in a small, conservative city lead to a fulfilling childhood where I still talk to my 5th grade best friend nearly every day. I grew up in an upper middle class family, on the cheerleader squad, band, Girl Scouts, chorus, and multiple social clubs. We regularly were on the ocean- boating, laying on the shore with friends, and camping by the sea. For the most part, growing up was as picturesque as it sounds.
Receiving my first diary at age 8, I have kept an ongoing journal ever since, falling in love with words. Words are magical and powerful tools to create, record, inspire and escape through both reading and writing. Words are like puddy in my mind, taking me to a place away from reality as I have written and read poetry, short stories, and books my entire life.
Now, as I experience middle age, I use words to generate an income, record details of events I want to memorize, and enter another world. I am very much a non-conforming bohemian. You can’t fit me into a category as I am a bundle of juxapositions.
Having strong convictions prevented me from my goal of becoming a lobbyist since I get too emotionally involved in controversy. Examples include treating people with physical and/or psychological disorders the same.
I love deep sleeping to a fault, meaning when prescribed Xanax in my early twenties, I used Xanax to sleep through holidays. Otherwise, I would crash into a deep depression every time. A few Xanax pills solved everything, as I would turn my AC down to low 60’s, slip into my flannel sheets, and sail off into la-la land. During the clinical depression of my late thirties, I began taking Xanax as prescribed on a regular basis. My dosage was extremely high to combat desperation and despair. Oh, I fell in love with the deep sleeps, and would salivate whenever I got my monthly prescriptions refilled. Getting off the Xanax was without question the hardest thing I have experienced as I had hallucinations, severe vomiting ,and the scariest side effects.
Only by the grace of God did I survive. Memory loss and damaged executive functioning skills are permanent repercussions. Thankfully, I have been off Xanax for several years, yet I still crave those “deep sleeps” every single day. Sometimes I get angry when people fail to acknowledge I continue to struggle with temptation.
In this season of life, I am letting go of expectations, letting go of things that do not truly matter, and releasing relationships I have outgrown. It is a painful necessity which is too heartbreaking to think about in depth.
My faithful companions are a beautiful white with orange and black strokes… a feline named, Addy, who has stuck by me through life’s hardest times. She is the queen of the household,having an uncanny knowledge of 4am when she daily meows until I give her some treats. She loves playing with feathers on a string and is the sweetest girl! Addy has a younger sister who is almost seven times her size, Jireh. Jireh (whose name comes from “Jehovah Jireh”, meaning “God will provide”) is an extraordinary Golden Retriever and my companion who accompanies me wherever I go. They are my family and I regularly pray I never have to live without them.